Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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