So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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