I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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