none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Are we still banned from the library?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
