I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
