Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
