can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
