I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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