I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize