I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize