just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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