he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
