Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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