I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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