I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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