Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
