god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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