Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
