I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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