She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize