Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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