Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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