Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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