you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
