And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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