Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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