Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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