i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I checked into jail on foursquare
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
