I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize