last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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