I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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