You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
