so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
