No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
