that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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