I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
