last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
