He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
