Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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