The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she told me i tasted like america
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
