he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
