sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is wine microwaveable?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
