well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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