Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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