How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
