well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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