Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
