omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
