who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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