they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
