Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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