I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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