One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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