What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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