Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
