what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
