So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
