my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
