Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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