I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
