Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
