$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
