Im at strip club and am horny
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
