I look better un-naked...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The struggles of a small town man whore
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
