It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
