Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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