Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
